Hymn (Tune St. Anne)

O Shell our help in voyages past,

Our hope for those to come.

O expidite our cargoes fast,

Despite the straining of our pumps,

Thy lines shall stay secure.

Sufficient for the Eastern Fleet,

Fifteen per cent is sure.

Stretch out thine arm from Ilex House,

Our contracts don’t prolong.

And help us when the pressure falls

To pass the buck along.

And those who sit aloft with Thee

Make wise in water tube.

That we may strive unceasingly,

To make a few lees boobs..

Be with us when our breakers arcs

When feed pumps go a-wry,

Be with us in the Bukom Club,

Be with us when we die.

As we do serve Thee well in port,

When Gabriel’s Trumpets sound,

If we in Heaven’s haven berth,

Forget to turn us round.

The First Lesson is taken from the 39^th chapter of the book of Genetics

1. And Noah said, Let us build a ship, for verily, whatever the wages and the weather, we shall find men to sail in her.

2.   And they built an ark, and it was an hundred cubits in length, and twenty cubits beam, and from the bridge to the mess-room was a Sabbath Day’s journey.

3.   And Noah said, let us build an engine.

4. And there was amongst the Medes and Panamanians one Babcock, son of Wilcox,who spake, saying; Is it not written tint man shall crawl upon his belly and eat dust? Therefore let us build a T.2. so that all that is written my come to pass.

5.   And Noah said; Who shall sustain us? And he chose Ham, son of Kian Tai.

6.   And there were some who spoke against Ham saying; We are not sustained. And Noah said; Get thee hence. I will have no Ham. And it was so though coffee, kippers, and curry were considered equal..

7.   And the rain fell for forty days and forty nights.

8. And on the thirtieth day a man came unto Noah saying; to, the animals which are fed from heaven cannot return their droppings thence, and we are already below our winter units.

9.   And Noah said; Let all be, and all will be well.

10. But on the thirty-fifth day the man came unto Noah again, saying; to, all the animals continue to make dung, and the freeboard is but the span of a man’s hand.

11. And Noah girded up his loins and went for’d, even unto the stem, and it was as the Iran had said.

12. And Noah said; Let all the dropping be brought unto the poop. And it was one.

13. As Noah spake again saying; Let the elephants be brought unto the poop. And it was done.

14. And Noah spake yet a third time, saying; Let them bow down their heads and push, that all may be cast upon the water..

15. And they bowed down their heads and mashed, and all was cast upon the waters.

16. And it came to pass after many generations that a certain mane Columbus by name, discovered it.

Here endeth the first lesson.

VERSICLE: Shell make clean our tanks within us.

RESPONSE: And take not our motor spirit from us.

Hymn (Tune Winchester Old)

The ships that run on H.V.F.

Run on boot polish now.

And H, and D, and N, and V,

Adorn the tankers bow.

Our bottom ends dance cheerfully

With not unpleasant sound.

Our turbines raise their banshee wail

And Butterworths abound.

O bless our rotten rusty hulls,

And bless our Cap boats too.

O bless our engines, bless our pumps

We do it all for you.

The second lesson is taken from the first epistle of St. Jerermiah Walters to the Pladjuans.

1.   And it came to pass that a certain man journeyed unto the Tyne, to join a ship.

2.   And he tarried a while at Newcastle that he might rest and fortify himselfwith wine.

3.   And there came unto him a woman saying; “Whither goest thou?” And he answered unto her saying; “Unto Shields, where a ship awaiteth me”.

4.   And she said unto him; “Are not the women of Newcastle fairer than those of Shields? Tarry a while that thou mayest know.”

5.   And he tarried all night, and he knew,

6.   And in the morning the sayest unto him “Come, pay me what thou owest”.

7.   And he said unto her; Gold and silver have I none, for all that I had, I have given unto thee.

8.   And she said unto him; “Likewise, gold and silver have I none, and all that I had, I have given unto thee. Haste thee, therefore, unto the Apothecary, lest the worst befall thee.”

9.   And he went on his way exceeding sad, saying; Wouldst that I were like St. Peter, toiled all night and yet caught nothing.

Here endeth the second lesson

PRAYER

0 mighty Shell. Who out of thy bountiful goodness hath divided the earth into East and West, and hath encompassed the sea about with ships; Let not thy servant strive alone against thine adversaries - Women, the Devil, and Caltex, who like lions, seeking whom they nay devour.

Make the N boat they chariot, and ride always upon the crossheads of thy diesels, that we, trusting in thy defence may not feat the loss of the suction, nor the perpetual blackness of supercharge shite.

This we ask for our, thy servant’s sakes.

Amen

Blessing

May the peace of Ibex House, which passes all comprehension, preserve our minds in lethargy, and our bodies in Ensis oil, henceforth, and for evermore.

Amen.